Even Cowgirls Get the (Menopausal) Blues

I must admit that it wasn’t just a vacation that led to my 6 weeks absence. A couple more menopause issues have appeared – night sweats and brain fog. Years ago, when menopause was years off on the horizon and I only vaguely paid attention to the details, I knew about a handful of symptoms. And probably most of them from watching Sex and the City episodes. Hot flashes, loss of libido, night sweats. In other words, the physical changes. So I went off mentally preparing myself for physical discomfort, and the inevitable wrinkles, grey hair and drier, less lustrous skin. Getting really sweaty for a few years doesn’t sound so bad, right? For a few years, I focused on eating better, trying to get ahead of the physical curve. I was determined to be like my mother. I never remember her complaining about menopause!

What I didn’t learn for many years, until a close friend and co-worker confided in me, was the mental impact of menopause. Now for someone who has always prided themselves on a nimble brain, these symptoms are downright scary. Brain fog? What the hell – is that what it sounds like? Oh yes indeed. Forgetfulness, difficulty thinking clearly, and concentrating. It’s like I’m trying to put the pieces of a puzzle together and I just can’t grasp and sequence them. And the harder I try, the worse it gets. (The kitchen can be a downright scary place for me right now – too many steps in sequence involving sharp objects and fire. But a woman can’t live on bread and peanut butter along!) My friend would complain at work about simple tasks taking longer than usual. She’d get frustrated that she would forget things that she remembered just earlier in the day. The Program Manager would remind her that it’s normal when you get to be middle-aged. Your brain slow down. I remember the slightly pissed but resigned look on her face.

I look back on those conversations now and think, wow – I was so naive. But maybe that’s the way to go. Don’t burden yourself with shit before you have to. Women will all go through menopause, along different paths and to various degrees. In the meantime, I’m experimenting with different clothing to help keep me cool at night. And appreciating the nights where I don’t wake up in a sweat 3 times per night. As for the brain fog, I guess I’ll try to avoid making big decisions in those foggy moments, and continue apologizing to Maestro for my somewhat unpredictable behaviour and foggy moments.