This is the day
“This is the day, your life will surely change
This is the day, when things fall into place”
A friend sent me a link a few days ago to one of my favourite The The songs. And it resonated with me now as it did 30 years ago. I have no excuses for being absent from here for the past 3-4 months. But sometimes when life throws you a curveball you end up striking out. Other times you hit it out of the park. I’m happy with the progress we’ve made getting our sexy videos out to the world on Pornhub. It’s deeply personal to watch yourself fuck, but knowing that other people get off on it is fulfilling. When the world feels like it’s spinning out of control and you’re a helpless passenger, having a nice orgasm at the end of the day is something to celebrate. Give yourself a hand!
I also managed to submit the manuscript for the threesomes book to a couple of publishers. It got rejected by all of them, which set me spinning off to dark corners of my brain for a week or so. But I got something valuable from the experience. Feedback. A way to get better, to go back to rewriting, and give it another try. Despite my disappointment, I feel like I gained entry to the club of rejected wannabe authors. And hey, at least I tried. It’s a story I love telling. And I loved writing. People read so they know they’re not alone. I think that was a line in Dead Poet’s Society. I firmly believe that. That’s why I read. That’s why I cried watching the last few episodes of Fleabag. (Bravo Phoebe Waller-Bridge!) So if my story of my first threesomes and navigating an open relationship makes even one person feel not so alone, it’ll all be worth it.
But as the projects pile up, my chaotic Gemini brain struggles. Last month it went into overdrive and crashed. Little bits of me splattered across the wall that I’ve been painstakingly assembling back together. Focus. Discipline. I keep telling myself. Put one foot in front of the other. Don’t build bridges across rivers you don’t need to cross. Yoga. Tai chi. Mediation. “Imagine the feeling of wish fulfilled.” My beloved retired acupuncturist would tell me this every month. I should get it tattooed on my arm so I see it every day. Don’t let fear and self-doubt cripple you.
So I take comfort in knowing that I’m not alone pushing my life uphill.
“You could have done anything, if you wanted
And all your friends and family think that you’re lucky
But the side of you they’ll never see
Is when you’re left alone with your memories
That hold your life together, like glue”
Photo by Neto Soares from Pexels
