A man/me/then Maestro

“The slow fade of love, its mist might choke you. It’s my gradual descent into a life I never meant, it’s the slow fade of love.”

One of my favourite songs (yes, I have a lot) is A Man/Me/Then Jim by Rilo Kiley. The lyrics tell the universal story about the pain of unrequited love. The pain of life. It’s a beautiful song.

I’m just one of countless people who’ve experienced a relationship’s slow fade. You wake up one day not recognizing yourself in the mirror. And the choking mist? You put it there to conceal the pain, the confusion of not being able to escape your own personal cul-de-sac. You lose your own map. I was never sure what life I was meant to have. It was more an ongoing exploration! But a year ago I was stuck. My ex and I were both stuck.

I’ve been spending more time looking in my rear view mirror because my ex isn’t over us. We’re both still unraveling the last 20 years, just in different ways. He is a kind, gentle man. A lot like Maestro in his interests and tastes. His sense of humour. Both tall, dark and handsome! So I’m still clearing out some trails of mist, just by talking and writing about him. I look at my spanking paddle tattoo to remind myself to feel my pain and know this pain is shared by many.

Maestro is helping immeasurably to forge new territory with me. He truly is my best friend, lover, and partner-in-crime. But a helping hand is there for support. The rest of the work ahead is for me … so here we go into the blessed unknown!